The insurance company asked if there was a chance that my dad’s amputated leg would grow back.
Waited on a woman who asked me what kind of meat was in our beef taco salad.
Lady: what kind of meat is in your beef taco salad?
Me : Beef
L: what kind of beef?
Me: Beef, ground beef seasoned with taco seasoning.
L: No, I mean is it pork or chicken?
Me: Ma’am, it’s beef, it’s from a cow. It’s beef.
Because I am a dwarf I get a lot of hilarious ones, but one of my favourites was “do you need to get a smaller engine for your car?”
I really wish I could have seen your internal process that led to that question, lady.
My 21 year old sister once asked my entire family at dinner if Nuns don’t have sex where do they get more nuns. That takes the cake for me.
People visiting Alaska on a cruise would walk onto the dock– a dock portruding into the pacific ocean– then look up at the mountains and ask what elevation we were at.
1 foot, ma’am. You are standing on a dock which is at sea level.
While working as a butcher, I showed a deli clerk how to break down a whole chicken into pieces. I show her, “two breasts, two wings, two legs, two thighs.” she looks at me and asks, “which part does the turkey come from?”
“Do we have the ability to open digital files?”
This is the guy who would print PDFs from our server then scan the print to his email so he could save them to his desktop…
Someone was placing an order once at my family’s restaurant, and they had asked me for a side of French fries without the potatoes. I assumed she was joking, so I laughed…she wasn’t joking. She got offended and left the restaurant
The Scene: Meeting some new people in a college class.
I introduce myself, “Hi, I’m LoveIsLegallyBlind.”
New classmate: “Don’t you mean DifferentNameThatSoundsALittleLikeMine?”
He thinks it’s time to double down. “Are you sure? Why not?”
Me: “Because that’s not what my parents named me…”
Like what? Who corrects someone on their own name? I have a somewhat unusual name. People misspell it or mispronounce it all the time, but this was special.
First day working a tech support job, I answer a phone call from a woman whose laptop won’t turn on. She’s at the airport trying to get some work done and is very frustrated because she had been working for several hours during a layover and the laptop suddenly shut off. I asked her if she had the laptop plugged in when it shut off, or if she was just running it on the battery. “It can be plugged in? I thought it was supposed to be wireless.”
I honestly thought I was being pranked because I was the new guy. After a lengthy pause to decide if this was a serious call, I advised her to try plugging it in. Laptop turned on, she was amazed that it didn’t just recharge itself when she wasn’t using it.
It was me. I’m white, ended up dating a long time friend of mine, who is black.
We were talking about going to the beach the next day, and I mentioned that I needed to buy some sunscreen. GF tells me she has some, so no worries. I asked her why she had sunscreen.. She was puzzled, for a moment.
She then responded “Yes, black people get sunburned. Just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.”
And she was right, I just assumed, in all my whiteness, that black people didn’t sunburn. She still makes fun of me for this. I am in my 30’s..
In high school, we were warming up before a baseball game one evening and some really ominous ,dark clouds started rolling in. One of my teammates very seriously asked “Is that a storm or is that just night coming?”. I will never forget that.
If it was possible to even land a plane on Japan because it’s so small.
Because, you know, maps are a 1:1 description of the world
I was asked how far the luggage plane usually flies behind the passenger plane. The person who asked me went to an Ivy league medical school.
“What time is the 3 O’clock parade?”
I worked at Disney World. This is the #1 most common question you’ll get asked as a Cast Member in the Magic Kingdom.
I was at my cottage looking at the stars at night with a friend and she turned to me and asked: “are there countries in the sky?” I didn’t know what she meant so I asked her to explain and then she said: “Well, are there any countries in the world that are just kind of, in the sky?” I was so confused that I just sat there in silence but eventually she says “I mean, is there land on the earth in the sky where people live that are countries?” At that point I just gave up and said “no” and she replied “oh, okay” so reassuringly
A girlfriend of a friend of mine asked. “ I wonder what it was like before color”. This chick thought the WORLD WAS BLACK AND WHITE not film.
Not me, but our safari guide in South Africa said he once heard a woman ask her husband, “Honey, is that the same moon we see in Texas?”
Work in retail. Guy comes in. He looks pretty average. Has a nice suit, nice glasses, well kept hair. Above average I guess.
He’s looking for a particular stock pot that the store carries and I bring him over to where they’re kept.
He begins to stare at the box, a deeply troubled look emerges slowly on his face as he places his hand on his chin.
The box art depicts the pot in use, with some photoshopped water and a corn cob bobbing out of it (this is relevant, trust me).
After about 10 seconds of him staring perplexedly at the box I ask, “Anything else I can help you with?”
He replies, sounding confused, “So… this thing can only be used to cook corn?”
I stared blankly at him. Was he fucking with me? His vexed demeanor told me no, he was indeed concerned about the product’s potentially limited use.
I honestly have no idea how long I was speechless. It felt like minutes. I couldn’t speak. No one is that dumb, right?
He eventually says, “It’s ok, I’ll figure it out from here”, and continued to gaze at the box in hopes of gleaning the answers to the troubles he had encountered.
Literally had a guy ask me yesterday “if I hit the cash back button, does the money come out of my account?”
Dude was like 30 and he thought cash back was just…free money I guess?
I work in a toll booth and was working on the westbound side. A lady drove up to my booth really mad, which is par for the course but I digress. She told me that every day she takes this route home from work, and every. single. day. the sun is directly in her eyes… Well of course, shes driving westbound at 6 pm. When I mentioned this she brushed it off and asked “well can’t you change the direction of the road or at least put a cover over it?! I can’t be the only person who is bothered by this!”
I live in a high-altitude town in the mountains. Every week, I hear this question:
“At what elevation do the deer turn into elk?”
WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THIS!? WHY!?
For context, I work in a phone shop.
Customer: What is this? (Hands me his bill)
Me: This is your bill.
Customer: But I already paid it.
Me: Well then, don’t worry about it.
Customer: No, I mean I paid it last month.
Me: Oh, this is just your second bill then.
Customer: BUT I ALREADY PAID IT!
Me: Last month’s bill, yes. This is your next bill.
Customer: YOU MEAN THEY KEEP SENDING THESE EVERY MONTH?
Me: … yes … that’s what a phone contract is. You signed a contract for 2 years didn’t you?
Me: So you will get a bill each month for 2 years then.
Customer: WHAT A RIP OFF!!!
He legit thought he would only get a single $90 bill for his brand new iPhone over the entire 2 years of his contract…
Working for a rafting company I’m asked far too often at the end of the float if we are back at the start. Rivers don’t flow in god damn circles!
My twenty-something daughter asked why we never see squirrel eggs. Us parent types responded that’s because squirrels are mammals and don’t lay eggs like birds do. To which she responded, then show me an infant squirrel / “breastfeeding” squirrel.
This led to a conversation that was much longer than needed to be.
I worked in a pizza restaurant when I was 16. They had a pizza they called a UFO pizza. It was just another slab of dough on top of a regular pizza, and it made it look like an orb, hence the name.
One day a guy that worked there was writing down a telephone order, turns around and says “hey guys, how do you spell UFO??” The owner looked mortified and just repeated “youuu eefff ohhh!!”. He stared back in silence for a few moments before it hit him.
The guy ahead of me asked the Chipotle employee, “What’s ‘lay-tuck-ee’?”
It was lettuce. He asked what lettuce was.
Had a lady insist that “the lights outside that you don’t plug in and don’t have batteries” were not solar lights. She got furious when she asked two more employees who both said solar lights. She then described the solar panel on top of those decorative garden lights, and demanded a manager. Who also told her solar lights.
Yes- she meant solar lights. She came back later, clearly embarrassed and bought some.
My current boss asked me to “make the pages smaller” so she can see all of them” she had excel zoomed in to 200% and thought I was just sending things in font 46. This person has been in her position for 12 years. Ugh.
Not asked, but in high school show choir, we took a trip to Toronto (from the US) for a competition. One girl thought Toronto was in Florida, and only packed bathing suits, shorts, and crop tops.
I used to work at a sub shop and a lady asked me “how much bigger is the 8 inch compared to the 6 inch” I replied with “2 inches”. That was that…
I work at a fast food restaurant.
“How much degreaser I have to put in the oil before it turns back into water?”
In 8th grade science class, the girl sitting next to me asked – “How do we get into outer space if we have to break through the Earth’s crust?”
She thought we lived in the mantle.
I worked at a cafe with white mugs. Crisp white china mugs.
A woman ordered a dark roast coffee and a green tea to stay and then when I slid them to her she looked st them and then back at me with big Bambi eyes
“Which is which?”
A woman asked me if gorilla glue was made from real gorillas. I laughed at first, but she was serious. She told me she was vegan and wouldn’t use the product if it was made with real gorillas.
In my driver’s ed class the instructor was discussing cardinal directions.
He asked a girl on the front row what direction her house was from here.
She points out the window and he goes “so, West?”
She responds “well, it’s my East because I’m facing you. “
A girl at school asked me if Wisconsin was the capital of Texas…. she was confused ’cause she moved to Tx from Wi….. I said “no it’s Austin and Wisconsin is a state not a city”…. she said “Oooohhhh, thanks!”
We were highschool freshmen, how? Just how? You lived there girl
When I was in college and my flatmate saw my room he asked me in all seriousness: “why is your toilet so clean?”.
Point to the moon on this map, she was happy she won the argument as I could in fact not point at the moon on a map of the earth.
I’ve said this one before but I’m a submarine pilot and I give tours of coral reef. This gets asked far more than I expected or ever wanted but when we’re sitting 100ft down below in nothing but sand, people have asked, “is that snow?”
It’s not so much what she said. But when adult me was having a conversation with my adult sister, it came about the island we grew up on. And now both of us in the “big” city, what I’ve learned and appreciated from our “islandly lifestyle”… She had no clue what I was on about, in all her life she had never registered that we grew up on a island! Small as it was.
She’s the most intelligent person I know. Very academic. But she never realised, no matter where we looked we could see water. Granted, there was a bridge to mainland… But still.
My grandpa left my place, immediately called me to ask if he left his cell phone at my place.
“How are you talking to me?”
Student, over the phone: “I can’t come to the learning center today. Can you print me some things for me to work on at home?”
Me: “How are you getting them if you can’t come in today?”
Student: *hangs up*
“How did we build the mountains?” – my brothers fiance, while we drove through the rockies
When I was working in second level IT support, I reset a user’s password to Start123. I told her, “Your temporary password is Start123 with a capital S.”
I was asked, “How do you make a capital S?”
The homecoming queen at my high school asked me if the Native Americans really existed.
“Does Windows 7-sticker on my computer slow it down if I have Windows 10?”
My roommate asked me if Radcliffe College at Harvard was named after Daniel Radcliffe.
When I was visiting America a 24 year old girl asked me if Australians speak English.
My wife and I were watching The Martian and she looked over at me and asked if it was based on a true story
While eating a chicken pot pie, my friend asked me why they didn’t make pies with fruit in them instead.
….like regular ass pies.
My daughter asked me a couple days ago if a duck is a bird. She’s 13.
I worked in a sub shop for many years. I had a guy look at me and ask me how big a 12 inch sub is. I just looked at him and said 12 inches. He just nodded and said ok like I had just imparted some new and secret knowledge on him.
My wife asked me why the lightning was red. I replied, “honey, those are fireworks.”
“Tragiccity, how am I supposed to fry this egg? Every time I crack one into the fryer, it just turns into ribbons!”
This was at my first kitchen job (and obviously this guy’s, too).
I once asked someone to look to the left of something on her screen. She asked “My left or your left?”
Not me, but it’s such a dumb question I have to share. A classmate of mine in my sophomore year of High School asked my Biology teacher something so dumb it’s stuck with me for 10 years. She was clearly arguing with someone in the back of the class and my teacher finally stopped them and asked what was going on. Now this girl was known to everyone as a bit of a dunce, but this was astounding. She looked at my teacher with this smug-ass smirk and said “Can you settle this argument for us since you’re a science teacher? A biologist doesn’t study biology, right? These guys keep trying to tell me they do.” My teacher went wide-eyed and had to leave the room for what felt like 5 minutes.
This girl already said a lot of really stupid stuff in the 6 years I went to school with her, but this was the one that always stuck out to me.
I’m working the IT help desk.
“Do you guys have any of those wireless internet cables??”
Blank stare ensued while I waited for her to understand the request… Then I said it’s already plugged in…
When scheduling an appointment for someone I asked if they could come at noon. They asked me what time noon was.